Teens are such a joy some days and others they are monsters.
Raising ungrateful teens isn’t always what it looks like. Teens are wired different from anyone else. Sometimes they act like they are two years old, stomping their feet, slamming doors and just plain temper tantrum, then the next day they come in being sweet and helpful. It’s such a confusing time for them as well as us parents. You never know who you’re dealing with. You almost want to ask them if you’re dealing with the two year old or the teen. If you’re confused imagine how they are feeling, they are on hormone overload.
With that said, some teens are just plain ungrateful. How did that happen? They have a mentality entitlement attitude, it’s just how they are wired. The hard part about all of this is while you are trying to raise well rounded children who can one day take responsibility you’re fighting against society. They are never told something they have done is wrong. All they hear on TV, friends and media is how wrong parents are and how to escape responsibility. They are taught they everything should be fair and they should never be told no.
Parents are their child’s first teachers so basically you participate in creating these monsters. Don’t feel bad, you’re just loving them and want them to have what you didn’t. So why do you seem shocked when they act ungrateful? It’s not just parents that indulge these kids, this Country is so focused on “being friends” and not parents they learn at an early age that they are not going to be told no, lose a sports game or failing a test.
Teens scream and yell and slam things just to get what they want and they want it now! So much of the time they know if they keep arguing with you they will wear you down and they know eventually they will get what they want. They use what works and it usually does. They know that. It takes two to fight if you take yourself out of the equation they have no one to fight with. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Parents tend to change the way they parent as the teen gets older. They want to be their child’s best friend and that just doesn’t work. Just because they are young adults should not stop you from parenting, in fact it should go into overdrive.
Teens seem to expect to have everything their friends have and they have no true sense of what things cost.
So many parents find themselves in this situation. They are well meaning and loving parents. It seems that if the parents had a hard time growing up that the parents would want what was best and being their friend isn’t what is best. So much of the time teens are overindulge, therefore the monster have learned what works.
You can change some of these behaviors.
1. Stop the power struggle.
2. Stop rewarding them for inappropriate behaviors.
3. When you say no you mean no. You can’t change your mind.
4. Stay calm and refuse to argue with them.
5. Your child has some great qualities. Praise them and reward them for appropriate behaviors.
6. Don’t try to buy their love, it doesn’t work.
Your job has changed from when they were little. Now your job is to raise loving, responsible adults. Don’t bail them out of everything they get themselves into. Your not helping them. Let them try to figure out their own problems, then if they need help guide them to the right answer don’t do it for them.
Just remember this to will pass. You thought the terrible two’s were hard. You haven’t seen anything yet. Get control now.