It was assumed that the contraceptive pill would cause women to be more enthusiastic about intercourse. Certainly, there are women today who are willing to have sex for no particular reason other than ego. But women’s motives are different to men’s. Women are not intent on their own pleasure but rather on what they might obtain by providing male pleasure. The invention of reliable contraception cannot change women’s responses that have evolved over millions of years. A sex drive operates regardless of risk.
Reliable contraception cannot make women want more sex any more than it can make men want less. If we link orgasm with a desire to procreate, then we might assume that men might want less sex with the advent of the contraceptive pill. Men want intercourse for the pleasure they enjoy. This pleasure is not diminished or increased just because it doesn’t not lead to reproduction. Similarly, if women obtained the same pleasure from intercourse that men do, then we would not be so successful reproductively.
If women had a sex drive as men have, then they would be just as willing to engage in unprotected sex as men are. If women had sex with men indiscriminately, they would be pregnant all the time but by unknown men. They would not obtain the support of one man and it would be impossible to raise a family. Women would be left to raise children by themselves. This might be possible in a society that forces men to pay maintenance but not in the eons of evolution that have made the sexes what they are.
Without the protection of reliable contraception, few women would volunteer for unprotected intercourse. A woman, like all female mammals is disadvantaged (compared with a man) because of her vulnerability during pregnancy. A woman is committed to child-raising for longer than other female mammals because our offspring take longer to reach maturity.
It’s a disadvantage for a woman to be pregnant. She cannot fight or defend herself as well as when she is not pregnant. Likewise, if she is carrying a baby or toddler, she is handicapped. When we are facing danger, it is a disadvantage to have someone else to protect. A man is also handicapped (an enemy can take hostages) if he has family. Many men avoid family and relationships because of the emotional and financial burden.
Women take on the social taboos of an unwanted pregnancy, aborting the unborn child and the responsibility for raising of a child. Women pay for intercourse with their life. Men usually get away scot-free but with modern laws they walk away by paying financial compensation. This leads to women exploiting men by using pregnancy as a means of getting money.
Before the 1960s there was no reliable contraceptive. A woman risked pregnancy every time she had intercourse. If she was unmarried, there was no man to accept the responsibility for the costs of a family. A woman is considered to be irresponsible for bringing children into the world without a father and without the ability to pay for their upbringing. This is because society accepts that a woman has much more conscious control over her decision to engage in intercourse. She is not sexually driven as a man is. In the 1800s, married women spent their whole lives either pregnant or breastfeeding. Women commonly died in childbirth. Women cannot consciously change responses that have evolved over millions of years.
Often men mistakenly assume that women use the same criteria that men do for relationships. They assume that women are looking for sexual satisfaction. But women are looking for men who are good providers or who have some sensitivity to women’s more emotional needs. Even with reliable contraception there often remains a risk of pregnancy that is a good reason for some women to be reluctant to engage in intercourse.
Instinctively a woman knows that she has to offer a man regular sex to keep him interested in a relationship with her. Some women can acknowledge this consciously. Others simply respond to male demand. A woman gets used to accepting that if a man gets sex then his behaviour and attitude towards her improves. So they offer sex to keep the peace.
Women do not need sex. At a most basic level, even the thought of sex is unappealing to women. Most women need to feel a strong emotional attachment to be willing to have sex with a man. This emotional attachment arises because of her desire to be loved and admired. The mechanism that causes women to feel needed and wanted comes through men’s sex drive.
Men are much more dangerous than women because some men are willing to kill to get what they want. Crime statistic indicate that men commit many more crimes of all kinds than women do. Women commit around 10% of all murders. But their motives are different. Women’s aggression is often motivated by self-preservation. Men dominate jealousy killings. Many women have no chance to be financially independent. Even women who do, make themselves dependent on a man because they want children.
Most males find it difficult to comprehend why females are not aroused by such graphic representations of sexual action… The wives, on the other hand, are often at a loss to understand why a male who is having satisfactory sexual relations at home should seek additional stimulation in portrayals of sexual action. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)